10:51 a.m. - 2010-04-16
I wish it would all end!!!!!
I hate my life sometimes i wish it would just end!!!!! Im still in love with my x its been 4 weeks now that we have been broken up!!! Sometimes i think bout taking my own life!!! Im sure other then family n my 2 best friends no 1 else would care!!! But i have really tought bout it and on some parts come close 2 doing it!!!!! But no 1 knows i have had theses toughts not even some of my closets friends or my family!!!! I feel like no1 cares i feel so alone like i just wanna be left alone 2 die!!!! Before me n my x broke up i wuz weighting 160lb now im @ 140lb thats wat i weighted my senior year of high school!!! I just wanna get over her so i can stop having these toughts i just wanna move on with my life well i still have the chance b 4 i do something stupid like ending it even tho that sounds good rite now!!!!

10:13 p.m. - 2010-03-27
MY LIFE FUCKEN SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well i finally broke up with her im hurting so bad on the in side but faking a smile on the out side. I cant cry even tho i want 2 so bad!!!! I hate how i have 2 c her almost every day. She said she wanted 2 be friends i have tryed talking 2 her but it seems like she doesnt want it. But wat i cant understand is how can she say that knowing how i feel about her and still never makes an attempt 2 try and talk 2 me. I think i would feel alot better if she would stop playing these high school games with me and my heart. And on top of that my grandpa just had a heart attick and the doc cant do anything about it cause his heart is 2 bad and they cant treat it. I dont wanna lose him!!!! I honestly belive he is the reason why i dont do drugs, why im not in a gange, he is the 1 who got me into working with race horses and now i have been working with race horses for 4years now. He is the 1 who step in and started taking care of me when my dad left my mom. That was such a hard time 4 me cuz i was only 8 years old that man keept me busy and in line!!!!!! I knew this day was going 2 come but i had no idea it would be this soon idk how 2 deal with all this pain i feel @ once!!!! I have notice that i have been getting angary @ stupid things and i have been wanting 2 fight some of the people i work with and thats not me i just usually let stuff go and ignore it and do my best 2 try in not let it get 2 me!!!!!!!! I NEED HELP REALLY BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:50 p.m. - 2010-03-17
WTF do i do
I dont know what she wants from me i try being a good boyfriend taking care of her giving her everything she wants but she still wont open up 2 me. Shes going out 2nite with her friends doesnt even ask if i wanna go with or anything like that. I really dont know what 2 do anymore i tell all my friends and cousins im going 2 brake up with her but when it comes down 2 it i just cant i dont know why. I dont know what im doing wrong i just cant get her 2 open up and tell me how she really feels and she wont even answer me when i ask her if shes happy with me or not. Sometimes i feel like shes using me and taking advantge of me and just walks all over me. We have been dating for nine months she still wont open up still wont ask me to hang out with her and her friends. I hate when i try n plan something with her she never wants 2 or is always 2 tired or my favirot i have plans with my friends or family. I hate how everything was grate in the begening then after 4 months she and everything else changed. I just want things to go back they where befor!!!! IF anyone reads this can you please respond 2 it!!!!! Thanks mike479

8:20 p.m. - 2010-03-14
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I wanna start by saying thank you nikki 4 helping me set this up. Now wat i really wanna say is i feel confused,fustrade,im always angry!!!!!!! I feel like I hate my life!!!!!!!! The 1 girl i truly love and dating for 9 months now still wont open up 2 me!!!!! She makes me so angry but happy. I hate how she would rather go out and hang with her friends but when ever i wanna do something with her she either doesnt want 2 or is 2 tired. I hate that i do so much 4 her and she never really does anything 4 me. I hate that i go out of my way 2 make her happy and feel good and it feels like i get nothing in return!!!!!! Sometimes i feel like if something were 2 ever happen 2 me i feel like she wouldent even care or she could care less if something did happen 2 me. I hate that i always spend time with her family but when it comes 2 mine she wants no part of it!!!!! My mom has some kidney thing that is killing her when i found this out i was so sad but with in min of getting off the phone with my mom i got angry and all i wanted 2 do is be with that 1 girl that makes me happy but she wuz 2 busy hanging out with her best friend fachon. I hate this girl with a passion!!!!!!! I have never wanted 2 kill someone so much in my life and i have never felt like that be 4!!!!! I thank GOD 4 all of my close cousins my 2 best friends xavi and wilson/sinner who have always been there 4 me through all the good and the bad!!!!

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